Krosmaster: Quest Review

I had big plans for this review. I was going to run this opening paragraph back and forth through a web-based language translator a couple of times. Then I was going to split the whole review into disjointed pieces and ask to have it published on at least two different pages. It would be the most effective way to portray what it’s like trying to learn Krosmaster Quest. Fortunately for you, our editor doesn’t go in for things like that. (Editor’s note- that’s right, I do not. No novelty reviews!)

Krosmaster Quest is a gorgeous game. The attention to detail in all the components is top notch. The pre-painted miniatures are beautiful; they practically demand that you play with them. Once you assemble all the hay bales, trees, and crafting benches, the game comes to life on your table in a landscape of bright colors. It’s a shame that the rulebooks do not offer the same attention to detail. Translation errors and ambiguities exist all over the place. Pandalina, the chibi-cute alcoholic panda warrior, is unplayable until you find the Season 2 rules pdf published online...and scroll down to the comments to learn that her “breath” area attack should be “blast”. The Tofu mob cards have “spells” that should be called “powers” and the tutorial refers to an event card that apparently had its name changed at some point.

This would not be a big problem if the adventure were worth the price of admission. Quests aren’t all rainbows and sunshine after all; sometimes you have to stop and make boots out of sheep poop. Unfortunately, the overall experience just doesn’t measure up. Krosmaster Quest is part of a family of games where mighty wizards hurl fireballs, summon turrets, and swing blades at each other in hopes of dominating the Krosmoz. There are over 100 unique heroes that can you can import into and out of Quest. So of course it makes sense that the first thing you do in Quest is put your mage’s player card into a board and cover up all the spells and powers that make her unique so you can’t use them.

I’ve never played a game that makes you work so hard to get to the fun parts. The boards consist of areas for you to equip your Krosmaster with armor and weapons, hold resources, and display your abilities. As you kill monsters and complete quests, you’ll earn the currency you need to remove the covers that wall you away from playing the game. If today’s adventure features piles of powerful mobs, unlocking your spells might be the right way to go. If instead it’s a resource collection scenario, bag space may be what’s holding you back. It’s an interesting way to go about character progression, and the board is clever, but it often feels like it’s just there to have something into which to dump your money.

Each game of Krosmaster Quest is a scenario that defines a story and give you a related way earn “Gallons of Glory”. In addition to a scenario quest, each player has a number of personal quests that he or she must complete individually. While the Trophy Quests that see you killing specific enemies are fun, the Journey Quests are a bit odd. Have you ever had the plot of a movie described to you by a first grader? “First he climbed up on the hay bale. Then he threw some eggs away. Then he took a teleporter and THEN he killed a monster”. While most of these actions are things you’re going to be doing anyway, the requirement to do them in order is frustrating. There’s no narrative, no consistency, or even any logic to the quests. There’s just stuff to do and stuff to kill so you do it because that’s the only way to advance and grow.

Once all your spells are unlocked, each Krosmaster plays in a completely different way. Pandalina stumbles around, burping noxious beer breath and pushing enemies around as she leans on them. Katsu Mi locks onto a single enemy, chaining exponential damage into them with her flaming sword and Chrissy Entrech drops turrets everywhere, locking the battlefield down. After rounds and rounds of going through the motions of playing a board game, you finally stand powerful wearing a suit made literally from the body parts of your enemies. You’ve mastered the tactical gameplay and stand on the cusp of greatness and then...then it ends.

There’s no carryover. Raul Bak gives up his armor and forgets his abilities on his way to the box. Campaign games are bordering on overdone, but if a game isn’t going to have persistent progression then I don’t want to feel like a level 1 Noobling every time I start. Crafting, mining, and hunting down items is all fun but on the off chance you can manage to farm the Boss Mobs enough to earn a matching armor set made of iron, wool, and sunglass-clad poop, you’re probably only a few rounds away from packing the game up and starting over the next time you play.

The game is just a mess. There’s little direction or drive to any of the actions except that you’ve all agreed to play and I guess you have to keep going. It’s possible for quest steps to be impossible to complete. There isn’t even a victory condition for the player controlling the mobs! You have to play co-op for there to be one, or just share the responsibility across all the players.

The tactical play of Krosmaster could support a compelling adventure experience, but Quest isn’t it. This game ends just when it’s getting good and forces you to claw your way back to power through the churn of mediocrity every time you play. If you like the idea of playing the same timed demo for an MMO repeatedly, then maybe Krosmaster Quest is for you. If not, stick to one of the other Krosmaster titles. Those figures really do deserve playtime.